post-doc
Ahhh yeah, I've got a Phd in lovin' baaaaby... sorry about that, on with the report from the doctor's office.
So I went to Dr. Conti's office, and here's what he had to say.
-Atypical biopsies come in five varieties. wussily abnormal, kind of weird, This bad-boy could be cancer any seccond, Melanoma - the pussy edition, and write your will you sad bastard. Mine is pre-cancerous, but the most extreme variety. He said it's good that we're getting it taken care of now because it is likely to turn cancerous this summer if left untreated.
-Although he warned me to not get too exited because when Dr. Navarro took the other biopsies he didn't get the edges. So he needs to re-excise the previous biopsies to get all of it and he'll take out two more. He tells me that there may turn out to be melanoma in those other spots, but he doubts it. Just don't get my hopes up.
-He also said that even if it does turn into cancer then it would be the pansy, wimpy variety of melanoma because we caught it early enough. He says that there's this new product that is chemotherapy in a topical ointment. Man, they're doing amazing things with topical ointments these days. And imagine, if I had a hairy back it would look like Steve Carrell from the 40 year old virgin.
-So I go back in a couple of tuesdays to have some significant cutting done, and then we'll see what those biopsies have to say. So by an large an encouraging day.
-Bonus material: This guy was also a plastic surgeon and his waiting room is amazing. The entire office has really expensive hardwood floors. The waiting room has expensive paneling and cloth wallpaper, and nice chairs and leather couches that have to be worth at least $30,000. Then he has a HUGE plasma screen tv in the waiting room and a grand piano. And since he doesn't pay someone to play it he has a really nice bose sound system hidden in a box under it so it sounds like music is coming from the piano.
-This guy also radiated a sense of competence. He took pictures of my quasimoledos to see how they evolve or don't evolve over the next few months. I feel much better about going to this guy than going to the terrifically bad Glasgow Family Practice.
posted by Kyle @ 2:04 PM
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5 Comments:
Cancer is your BEE-YOTCH!
um...
If I may climb out from under this mountain of shit I have been burried under by my "dear" friends, I'd like to just respond by letting you all know my feelings.
I hurt.
I hurt sooooo much.
I spend my evenings curled in a ball and I just cry.
I cry all night, then go teach my class and cry there. The sixth graders make fun of me. They call me pansy and hurl spitballs at me.
But do you guys care?
Do you even take the time to think how your words cut deep into the netherregions of my soul?
No. You just keep on hurting me.
Well just go on then! I'll be here on the floor. Crying myself to sleep another night.
Bastards
Karl has a soul? Eh, either way . . .
Jenny - I submit Karl's last post as evidence my task has been completed, and I'll invoice you net30 for my final payment.
Glad everything came back for on the up-and-up! And good thing you switched doctors! what the hell kind of cancer treating doctors leaves bits of cancerous material still in your back to cause trouble!?!?!
I'm glad you have given up on the Glasgow Family Practice. Last time I was there I asked Dr. adams where he went to med school and he said "Somewhere in the Carribbean" Now I don't want to put down other schools, in fact I hear there is at least one decent med school down there, but it still didn't install very much confidence.
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