The power of anger

Never underestimate the power of anger. To a very large degree it's what got me through last time. Let me recap...no, no, there is no time, let me sum up. During the last go'round (that's rodeo speak for you non-Southerners) I had a lot of anger. It started with the hatred of my primary care physician who was so bad at seeing the potentially negative connotations of bleeding darth moles, took three visits before deciding to remove them, and then refused to give me the results of my biopsy for three weeks.

Obviously, that anger sustained me for a long time, and then I went to the awesome Dr. Conti. But my topic was anger. Dr. Conti was like, "Kyle, you needs you some surgery." And I was like, "ok." Anyways, that anger was when my gf of the time said to me, "Kyle, I can't handle this, I need to focus on myself and my goals, and I don't have time for your worries." When was this you ask? Well I'll tell you, it was 3 days before my surgery. Awesome!!!!!

So basically I had white hot rage to sustain me last time. This time you ask? Well this time I had perhaps the most awesome month ever. Let's recap. The gator's won their 3rd national championship in the last 364 days, My roomates bought a totally awesome fifty inch high definition plasma tv and surround sound, my brother got engaged to an awesome girl, two of my best friends got married, I'm amazingly fresh despite the work hell, I got my Karazahn key, and I had my first weekend off since February. So I went into this appointment totally optimistic. Never did I think that anything would be wrong. Five minutes and then a whole day off to goof off and have fun.

Fuck.

This was really a kick in the balls. I never expected it. Best case scenario the biopsies are negative, but I still have 6-8 weeks of stitches and no physical activity. Just as I'm getting back into shape. I was benching 3 sets of 12 at 215. And now I have to stop.

Whatever. I'm not good at words. I'm not sure why but this time is harder than last time. My obscene optimism has been blindsided. It's kind of difficult, and now when all I want to do is hang out with people and enjoy myself, revel in life and all that, I have to work for seven straight days.

I promise not to be so down the next entries. After all, I'm a damn, dirty, red Injun, and I've had a lot of firewater tonight, but it's kind of a downer. I thought I was done with this. Past it. Melanoma was in the rearview mirror. But now it's back worse than before. And I'm a little scared. I'll deny it in the morning, but it's kind of a dark night.

But then I remember what Aragorn said at Helm's deep,
"None knows what the new day shall bring."

I'm gonna be hung over tomorrow, but after that I promise to be happy again.